I am Thankful for

I am Thankful for…

My Brothers

Since before you were born, I have been praying for you. My hopes and dreams for your futures have been like that of a mother’s, because I feel that I’ve helped raise all three of you.

When I was 13, my world got turned upside down. What you grew up with as “normal” (I know it was anything but that), was one of the worst things to happen to me, but it was also one of the best. I thought growing up that as your older sister I would be the one teaching you and guiding you through life. What I have learned in the past 10 years is that you have all taught me more than I could have imagined.

You taught me how to take care of someone besides myself.

Those early mornings when mom was still at work, I pulled myself out of bed an hour earlier than I had to, to make sure you had clothes ready for the day, breakfast, and lunch for at school. When I got my car, I expected to have freedom to go where I wanted and be with my friends. I did, but I also got the responsibility of driving you all to and from school every day. I know I may have seemed annoyed (and I probably was at the time), but I was always proud to see you all go off with friends and be greeted by teachers who were excited to see you, because you guys were/are so great.

You taught me to have patience and not to stress about petty things.

You will never have any idea how much I appreciate this. From breaking dishes to pushing trash cans against the house to climb on the roof, your shenanigans were a huge source of anxiety for me. Not only because I knew that I would be in trouble because I was the person responsible for you, but because I genuinely cared about your safety. Regardless, some things were just too ridiculous to get truly upset over, and the laughter you provided was so very welcome.

You held me accountable when no one else could.

I’ll keep it real. I was a young, damaged girl. Our mom worked strange hours. I had every opportunity to do what almost any other kid in our situation would: drinking, drugs, sex, you name it. But even without constant scrutiny from our parents, there was still something keeping me out of trouble, and it was you guys. A lot of my time was spent taking care of you. When I had time free, or was given the opportunity to go a little wild, I thought of you three, and remembered that you looked up to me, depended on me, and that you needed me to be 100% present so that you could all be successful in life. I thank God for the fact that I felt so much responsibility for you three, because I might have had a very different life if I hadn’t.

You taught me that I had value.

No matter what other kids at school said, or what boys hurt me, I knew that I always had love at home. No matter how depressed or alone I felt, I knew I needed to be around for you three. You guys created a real paradox: you drove me crazy, but at the same time, kept me sane. You had enough inconsistencies in life already for me to create more for you. You needed someone who was strong and stable, and I knew I needed to be that person in case something happened to mom. I knew I had to keep going for you.

You were my support when there was no one else.

There are things that we went through together that no one else knows about. We understand each other more than is possible for any person to ever be able to, because we have experienced life through the same looking glass. Though our hardest times were spent in silence, simply looking at one another without any idea of what to do, I knew that our feelings were all the same, and that solidarity is what kept us and keeps us together still.

So this year, now that we’re finally going to have a normal holiday season of thankfulness, joy, peace, and love, and all that other hippie holiday stuff, I want you all to know how truly thankful I am for you and that I would want no other four people to be my siblings, even if they were sisters.You've all grown into some wonderful human beings with your own personalities, knowledge, and strengths that few people as young as you can say they possess.